I once read somewhere that love is like a thick rubber band, it doesn’t have to be taken from one person to given to another. It’ll stretch out enough to include everyone who resides in your heart. But this is for all the other relationships, not the ones between lovers, I believe. Love is a whole lot of things, this is what I’ve understood…

Love is not selfish, there’s no I, me or myself; it is us, we and ours. It is compromise, it is a promise, it’s friendship, it’s fun, serious, laughter and tears.

It’s a 50/50 partnership.

Love is not a reason to hold someone so tightly that they’ll feel trapped. Love is such that you’ll hold them just tight enough for them to feel your love, trust, warmth, support and the assurance that when they fly towards their goals and dreams, there will be a safety net to catch them if they fall, or a hand to lift them back up.

It is pride in each other.

Love could be a flash bang that blinds or it could be a simmering warmth that glows. It’s constant, rigid, unchanging. It is the comfort of a prayer; it is a ride on a roller coater as well a Ferris wheel.

It is not ego.

Love is not constantly testing your partner of their worth, questioning their actions or keeping track of their every move. It is support for their endeavours; advice when they are faltering. It is the little pushes towards the alternate ways to their goals and unmoving belief in them. It is being in each others skin, and also space when needed. It is cheering on for their smallest achievements and encouragement when disheartened. It is taking decisions together and being independent.

It is trust. It is faith.

It is glass of cold water on hot summer days, and a mug of hot chocolate on cold winters. It is a shelter from stormy days or the pool on muggy days. It is passion and comfort; it is a trampoline and a soft bed. It is as fierce as a gale and soft as breeze. It is support and being a team. it is safety and risk.

It is home.

If and when you don’t feel anything like this, let that person go. Most of us stay in relationships that don’t make us feel fulfilled or happy because were scared of being alone. We tell ourselves and others that compromise is the essence of any relationship. I disagree! There are compromises, but it shouldn’t be to the extent that we lose ourselves or resent being with the other. It is not about losing our individualities nor is it moulding someone to an idea or image. It should be for growth and lessons, not to be stuck in mire or confusions. It is showing them the way, and holding their hand but not spoon feeding them what to do or say or how to act all the time.

I’ll conclude this with one of my favourites verses from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which, I think, says it all.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”