Thappas (Labels)

Big and small; rich or poor; hard working or useless; good or bad, spoilt, mouthy, opiniated are a few of the labels I’ve heard people stick on each other, and about individuals they don’t even know!

I grew up with these thappas. It was especially prevalent to kids or people who were NRI’s (Non- Resident Indians). Just because they grew up outside Bharat desh, they are spoilt and entitled brats.

Every life has the right to live and be the way they need to be, yet society has taken it upon themselves to judge, conclude and stick on labels. And pray, who gave them the right? Even children are not spared. If kids are throwing tantrums in stores or at homes, “God! That kid is so undisciplined, or, they have too much freedom.”

And women? If you’re a women, don’t even wait for it… it’ll just come out without any prompting or provocation! Like. if she lives alone, she’s probably living off of someone; if she drinks she’s morally wrong; if she ignores comments or gives a reply that’s not acceptable then she’s mannerless and rude. If she’s living well, she must be having rich parents or a sugar daddy. If you strive to train in any “manly field”, she’s a tomboy or lesbian. Some of these statements goes for men too, by the way. How we sit, stand, act, laugh, every single thing is under scrutiny.

It’s tiring to meet the standard of “perfection” society demands all the time.

Have any of you faced such scrutiny? Are there labels I haven’t mentioned? How does one come by labels in your place? Do tell!

Until next time…

When proximity = Unwanted familiarity

I don’t understand human nature… are we always selfish and gossipy and judgmental? Why? Like what pleasures do we derive from this? Not that I haven’t gossiped or bitched! Of course I have! But I hope and I try to remember the good deeds they’ve performed and always, always try to give them the benefit of the doubt before I try to say something negative about them.

I had stayed with my in laws for a couple of months last year. My sister in law was about to give birth and asked for my emotional support, to which I readily agreed to (she’s my friend too). I knew what she was about to go through; the sheer physical and mental exhaustion; alongside the people who would come with a whole lot of unwanted and useless (at that time) advices and critiquing the methods of parenting, yada yada (you know what I am talking about).

So the baby was born, named and brought home. We tried to support her the best we could; staying up nights, waking up early, the endless diapers, the hormonal meltdowns, the feedings, we helped as much as we could while also paying attention to my 4 year old.

Three months later, thankfully, my sis in law had recovered quite well from the birthing journey and had been managing the baby quite well when the above mentioned crap starts! Not from her at all! She’s a sweetie! But, from other people, about my own parenting.

A little back story; my kid is extremely active. Like he’s an energizer bunny who’s sweet, naughty, intelligent, caring and kind. My in laws are slightly elderly people who can’t keep up with him. So in the initial times after the birth of the baby, I used to put him in front of the phone to distract him after I played and gave him attention and all. In the beginning when I was fully involved in helping out, nobody said anything. Then came the lashings, apparently he’s in front of the phone too much (not true); I am not feeding him properly (not true again); he just doesn’t like to eat rice and curry all the time, and fruits have become a picky contest. He loves his fresh juices though. He just doesn’t want to chew them. And I am spoiling him by not feeding him fish, spices or variety. Oh and my personal favourite, he’s too malnourished!!! Again not true, his paediatrician is quite happy with his growth and (let’s knock on a lot of wood) he’s a healthy child! On and on the hamster wheel had started to run.

Nobody tells you that the hardest part of parenting is not the child themselves, it’s the other people and their unsolicited advices; the judgment! Why can’t people just shut their traps? Why can’t they leave you alone? When does it stop? Why did it start? Who thought dissing parents was fun?

Am I being too sensitive or has it become normal that people don’t even recognize how much of a bad behaviour this is?