Month: August 2025

Overcoming Fear: A Personal Journey

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What is it about fear that is so paralysing? It could be something like a spider or cockroach, or fear of someone or a situation. Whatever it may be, for people living with fear, there is nothing small about it.

All it takes is a mention and it’ll cause your hearts to start beating so erratically, just like they do when you see someone to whom your heart belongs to, but this is the exact opposite. There’s sweat and palpitations too, but nothing feels romantic. It’s debilitating to the point that either you freeze in your place, or run far far away in the opposite direction so that it doesn’t catch up to you!

I had such debilitating fear of people who birthed me until recently. That is 36 years of me trembling in my boot straps and girding my loins to face them, even for a voice call. My husband of 8 years has supported me no matter what, even though he tried to get me to understand that they no longer have any power over me, I refused to listen to him or understand; I could barely stand him talking to me about them, such was my fear and disgust.

A year ago, I had a breakthrough; an epiphany if you will. I finally realized (about time) that these idiots have no power over me; not any longer, that whatever power they had, had been broken off a long time ago.

By this time, my long suffering husband, had quite given up explaining and being understanding. During the realization, I had a word vomit conversation, where all he said at the end of it was “Thank you God!. You truly are remarkable”. He was growing weary of propping me up at the most inconvenient times, times when he required me to be a little bit stronger. In no way was he getting tired of me or thought I was weak, not at all. But I think there are times when the other half in a relationship requires and expects a little more strength from their partner.

There have been setbacks where I thought it would be a cakewalk, like having a realization was enough for me to break free. I was sorely mistaken. There was an incident this year, where during a family members wedding, I watched the brides family, especially her mom dote and pamper and the family come together in harmony and love to celebrate their child. I swear, my heart broke again. Where I had been sure of being on the path of healing, this one incident pulled me back from the progress I was sure to have made… everything in me just splintered. I had a severe crisis of faith and in my self in identity. I wallowed in it for months.

Who am I?

Who AM I?

I have never felt more like an orphan than I do now.

Now, again, I’ve taught myself that the fault was never in me. It is a lacking in them. It was never me. I had never given them a reason to hate me. Never. In fact, I bent over backwards, made myself more invisible and only did what they told me to do. I thought and hoped, maybe, just maybe, if I did everything just the way they wanted, I would be loved. Such was my greed to be accepted.

Thank God they don’t love me. Because now, I know what love is. Love of parents; my friends’ mothers’, my wonderful in laws. They have shown me what an elders love is and it definitely isn’t fear inducing.

As I write this, I write with hope and prayers that this will reach the people who needs to hear this, those who are lonely, alone, hurt, abandoned, abused… you were never the problem.

And I also want this will be a reminder for those who have overcome such fears, Bravo!! You are all heroes!

Remember, no fear is too big or too small.

Until the next time…

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

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This is one of my favourite books, and like all bookworms, I think most books I’ve read are awesome; there are very few books I’ve read that I do not like at all.

This treasure was found in a book fair in Dubai around 10-11 years ago. My friend recommended it to me thinking I would like the narration, and she was right! The story-telling was unique to me; I had never read a book where majority of the narrative was in the form of letters.

I enjoyed reading the writing style we rarely indulge in nowadays.

Situated in the aftermath of WW2, the protagonist, Juliet Ashton (a writer herself), slightly off track in life receives a letter from Dawsey Adams, a resident of the island of Guernsey informing her as being the new owner of one of her books. What started as a hello, quickly morphs into story telling sessions between Juliet and various other residents of the same island; about life under the German occupation, what they did to survive and how they came to form the reading club.

This book is extremely small, but packed quite an effect. It reflects on quiet strength people are forced to draw upon when faced with scarcity of basic human needs; food, shelter, safety.

Though this book was written on a slightly cheery note, it struck a chord with me. It forced me to think how people are forced to survive in war times, which is more common now than it was before. The impoverishment; the fear; the uncertainty; the fight for survival by any means possible.

Has anybody else read this book? Are there any other books like these which you think should be read?

I’ll leave you all here, my tea and book wait for me…

Good night Moon

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This was the second book I purchased and read for my little one. And this one was a doozy, because my kid and I both fell asleep reading this book the first week; the wordings were like tongue twisters and I had to read real slow to make sure it made sense in my head. Did any one else do that?

But after week one, my kid was more engrossed in looking at the pictures and babbling to the book. He would only let me read a couple of pages and then he would take the book for himself to do his thing. Eventually I just started naming the objects in the book and describing the pictures to him instead of reading it. After he turned a year and half was when he allowed me to read it to him properly. Do you think its because he knew it was putting him to sleep? Did his tiny brain figure it out?

Now looking back, I think picture books would have been more better than full on reading. It’s difficult to get them to be still, even when they are tired during bedtime.

Funny thing is I’ve read this book so many times, I can now recite it with my eyes closed in the dark… Do parents ever forget the books we’ve read for our kids?

Do let me know.

Until next time….

When proximity = Unwanted familiarity

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I don’t understand human nature… are we always selfish and gossipy and judgmental? Why? Like what pleasures do we derive from this? Not that I haven’t gossiped or bitched! Of course I have! But I hope and I try to remember the good deeds they’ve performed and always, always try to give them the benefit of the doubt before I try to say something negative about them.

I had stayed with my in laws for a couple of months last year. My sister in law was about to give birth and asked for my emotional support, to which I readily agreed to (she’s my friend too). I knew what she was about to go through; the sheer physical and mental exhaustion; alongside the people who would come with a whole lot of unwanted and useless (at that time) advices and critiquing the methods of parenting, yada yada (you know what I am talking about).

So the baby was born, named and brought home. We tried to support her the best we could; staying up nights, waking up early, the endless diapers, the hormonal meltdowns, the feedings, we helped as much as we could while also paying attention to my 4 year old.

Three months later, thankfully, my sis in law had recovered quite well from the birthing journey and had been managing the baby quite well when the above mentioned crap starts! Not from her at all! She’s a sweetie! But, from other people, about my own parenting.

A little back story; my kid is extremely active. Like he’s an energizer bunny who’s sweet, naughty, intelligent, caring and kind. My in laws are slightly elderly people who can’t keep up with him. So in the initial times after the birth of the baby, I used to put him in front of the phone to distract him after I played and gave him attention and all. In the beginning when I was fully involved in helping out, nobody said anything. Then came the lashings, apparently he’s in front of the phone too much (not true); I am not feeding him properly (not true again); he just doesn’t like to eat rice and curry all the time, and fruits have become a picky contest. He loves his fresh juices though. He just doesn’t want to chew them. And I am spoiling him by not feeding him fish, spices or variety. Oh and my personal favourite, he’s too malnourished!!! Again not true, his paediatrician is quite happy with his growth and (let’s knock on a lot of wood) he’s a healthy child! On and on the hamster wheel had started to run.

Nobody tells you that the hardest part of parenting is not the child themselves, it’s the other people and their unsolicited advices; the judgment! Why can’t people just shut their traps? Why can’t they leave you alone? When does it stop? Why did it start? Who thought dissing parents was fun?

Am I being too sensitive or has it become normal that people don’t even recognize how much of a bad behaviour this is?

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

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Written by Mr. Eric Carle, this is the very first book I read to my child when he was around 8 months old. And I remember in the beginning, my kid would just touch the pages, looked at the illustrations for the first 3 boards, and then tried to gnaw on it to find comfort for his aching gums. Poor kid, teething had been difficult.

The first time I actually read it to him was about a week or 10 days later, and being a novice reader to a kid, I made the mistake of using my happy voice, which resulted in me having to read it 3 times before I gave up, switched off the lights, hoping he would fall asleep. Spoiler, he didn’t. I just had wound him up, his sleep chased away and there he was, bouncing like a newly minted coin on his bed. Whoops!

The next day had been a little better, but a trial still as he was not happy with the way I was reading. Then slowly but surely, he got the hang of being read to during bedtime.

Even now, 5 years later, this is the story I narrate out loud whenever he’s had a difficult day or just wants comfort and familiarity (yes, its been imprinted in my mind).

Reading before sleep is one of his favourite rituals even now, though he has progressed to much bigger books. But I’ll talk more about that in the coming blogs.

See you soon.

Children’s tales

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Hey everyone! I hope everyone is doing well and have been reading and writing and sharing your thoughts well online, unlike someone (me!).

I have decided to start a reading blog, since that is actually something I love and do not miss regardless of the daily grind.

I’ll be starting off with books my child (5) and I have read and are reading. This is not a critical review, just a blog talking about books, bedtime or otherwise.

Hope you all will find it entertaining and informative.