Quite some time ago I saw a short of a south Indian serial/telenovela on YouTube during the mindless browsing, post bedtime rituals. There, two individuals were discussing the freedoms “given” to women, and I paraphrase; Individual B told Individual A that he has given enough freedom to his partner to do whatever she wants! A scoffs and asks “what do you mean you’ve given enough freedom? When did she give you her freedom/rights, that you can pinch it off but by bit and present it to her whenever you think it is right to do so? Freedom is an individuals birth right. It cannot and shouldn’t be given or taken away as and when required. 95% of the men think like this and then wonder why are our woman not happy!”

It stayed with me. I’ve never come across that short again, and though I know the name of the show, it would’ve been too much of a hassle to comb through 300+ episodes to find 2 mins of this.

This is a statement I grew up with; “I’ve given you enough freedom, don’t cross/misuse it!” Like what?! I used to question these statements before I was broken down and preferred to shut up and put up for my own mental health. But I realized that I was just one of the millions of women who face this dilemma, not just in India but worldwide! We are taught from birth that our rights and freedom belong to a third person! It belongs to our fathers, mothers, families, teachers, bosses, in laws, husbands, kids, etc. Why? Why? How do we have such extremes in a scale from having woman who have broken the patriarchy chains in our country, like Kiran Bedi, Indira Gandhi, Sudha Murthy, Helen, Mithali Raj on one side to women being chained by such baseless “traditions” on the other?

We need permission to be born; to grow; go have friends; to go out and play; to wear certain types of clothes; to be educated; to wear or cut our hair a certain style; to be able to chose our subjects for higher studies; to choose the colleges we go to; to go away from home; to choose work over marriage or higher studies; to choose our careers; to choose type of work; to accept a promotion; to choose between kids or careers, the list is never ending!

Each and every decision is taken by everyone else other than the woman who wants to take it! Why? The most common answer I’ve received is so that we don’t go out of hand, and bring shame to the family. Why is the honour of a family only the burden of the women? Why are men not given equal responsibilities of this crown? Why are men not taught to respect and honour a woman’s wishes? But that’s another topic for another day!

Women who have actually gotten their education and reached top positions make up probably 1% of all the women work force, may be worldwide. But those women who are working “menial jobs” like vendors, farmers, food stalls, transporting etc. make up almost 99%. Then there’s the housewives who are told that they do nothing, “you’re just sitting at home and enjoying free time”. These women, who, labour quietly without expecting any return, any paid salaries, nor given any recognition or awards and don’t even get praises for making houses homes, how will they reach anywhere? They don’t even expect the right of a day off, just because they don’t go to office to work!

Everybody loves giving big talks about deciding your own destiny and fate, but when push comes to shove, these very “advisors” will pull others back from the precipice of greatness! They will say, be careful, don’t aim too high, you may get burned; or what about your family/kids? what will happen to them? yada yada!

It frustrates me!

Granted, there are not many opportunities for women to prove themselves (thank you patriarchy), but even if they did come across one, the chains of fear, disapproval, failure and resulting taunts, lack of confidence always is a road block. What if women were told that they are capable, they can do it, their rights exercised, or even given the opening, imagine where they would reach!

So people, let the women in your lives the right to choose the opportunity! Even if it them wanting to start her own dhaba, or wanting to continue their education, going away for a job, starting a venture, anything, let them fly. Their freedom is their own. Let them decide if they want to shove those doors and windows open or close. Forget what society is going to say! The women in your lives come first. If they’re flying, they’ll take you along for the ride. And when they return, make sure they have a safe place to land. They would definitely do the same for you!

Be happy for them, don’t be insecure and jealous. Just accept the fact that they probably can do so many things better than the you. You can advice them, you can teach them, you can guide them, but they’re allowed to have their own thoughts, they have the right to take your advice or leave it. But don’t just encourage them with words, give them the support by taking up the chores they usually do around the house, be their village. Light up the path to their dreams, clear it of roadblocks and objections. Let them be!

Their freedom is their own. It does not belong to anyone else!